- Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
- The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
- Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
- I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
- Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
- I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'
- Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
- Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
- I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
- I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
- If you are one of the many jumping in a car or on a plane or train to go somewhere for the holiday, I wish you safe travels!
Even if you are staying where you are, take care of yourself -- take a minute to be grateful for you!